Inspire Confidence – When confidence fails

Things continue to be emotionally oppressive and I no longer feel like I am having fun in my hobby community. My cardinal rule is when you no longer feel enjoyment from the thing that should bring you joy, it’s time to leave. There are changes on the wind – individuals are being listened to and bad actors in the community are being held responsible for their misdeeds. But I also see allies under attack and blame leveled at those who are trying to do the right thing because we’ve finally reached the flash point. There is so much anger and pain in our community because there has been so much abuse. We’re going through some serious growth here and it hurts, a lot.

I don’t know who reads this blog specifically, I do know that the average reader is a white man in an English speaking country (if you aren’t, I want you to know I do care a lot about what you’re going through right now). If you are a white man, know that you are exactly the person I have wanted an audience with for a long time, me a white bisexual woman talking to those who are in the most advantaged position in our society. I need you, we – the POC, women, LGBTQ individuals – need you to continue to listen to us, to believe us, and to act on the behalf of everyone to improve our small gaming community and our greater world community. We cannot be a cohesive community without all the members working together to make this a more equitable and caring space.

With that information and knowledge, I know that at this time I can no longer be your bard, I am all out of inspiration and confidence in myself and my community. I have lost my heart and soul for this and admitting that brings me great sorrow. I want to be positive and uplifting, but I can’t. I feel beaten and run over. With that emotional burden weighing on my heart, I am taking a hiatus from blog writing for the foreseeable future. I am hoping to remain with the network in another capacity, which is in discussion at this time and return revitalized in 2018 after the holiday season, until then I am uncertain what will occupy this space on the network.

“Every person needs to take one day away.  A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future.  Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence.  Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.  Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.” 
― Maya Angelou, Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now

May you all have a peaceful holiday season and joy in the new year.

So long and thanks for all the fish. ~Douglas Adams

Monica Marlowe

Monica Marlowe is the 2015 Paizo RPG Superstar. Winning the contest launched her freelance game designing career. Her winning adventure, "Down the Blighted Path" and PFS scenario "Captive in Crystal" are available through Paizo. She’s publishing additional gaming materials under Marlowe House and through 3rd party publishers. Monica is also active in the ongoing education in gender, sexual, and racial equality in the gaming community. Driven by a desire to see a more diverse gaming community, Monica has joined the Know Direction network to help and encourage all gamers, veteran and new, to find their voices. Monica lives in southwest Ohio with her husband, Andrew, and 2 children, Kate and Thomas.

2 Comments

  1. Jeff Boyle Reply to Jeff

    Monica,

    I am a cis-gendered, white male who will miss your perspective. I hope that this can be just a hiatus where you can rest and regroup and come back stronger than ever.

  2. I hope your days off will refresh your soul.

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